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Wednesday, 03 June 2009

Monday, 09 March 2009

  • i have to tell you all something. or at least the very few of you who read my blog anyway. i like a boy. a boy that i haven't dated before. a boy that likes me too. a boy that treats me well. this is so good for me. i like him a whole lot and he made the first moves. and he kissed me and he told me he likes me. his car got stuck by the walker. and the four of us were stuck for hours in the early morning. and as i went to assist him with the engine he closed the hood and kissed me instead. perfection was built in this night. at least in the kiss and not in the car. but i much appreciated the moment.

    -- mae

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

  • did this really happen?

    did you really kiss me?
    because i feel like maybe this didn't happen. and you know i hate keeping secrets like this. there are so many things i want to tell you. not even about me, or you, or you and me together. or anything.
    maybe this was like walking in a dream. and part of me is itching to wake up and pretend it didn't happen, but the other half wants you to kiss me again. i like the familiarity of your hand in mine and i hate the familiarity of my memories when we were not good. and i was not good.
    but.... are we together? because i feel like maybe i've told you too much. and maybe i should get the hell over this and move on.... maybe my little drunken mishaps are not true. i mean, they happened. but maybe what i said to you... this is not true.

    i love you and i hate myself for it.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

  • my hopes, my dreams, my fears.

    i have been longing to go home
    for over a million years. i feel
    like everything is falling down
    around me and eventually i will
    i will i will be the last thing left.
    if everything is falling i have to
    fall too. in fact i have already
    fallen a little bit. and i am ready
    for the biggest shopping day of
    the year to convince my dad: it
    is getting cold and i need more
    long sleeve shirts because i don't
    have enough long sleeve shirts
    and they will keep my arms warm.
    there is no other reason of course.
    and this girl who i wish i could
    just BE IN LOVE WITH because it
    would be so easy to just BE IN LOVE
    WITH her. and i am always letting
    myself run away from things that
    end up being the best thing that
    could have ever happened to me.
    i always stay with the people that
    just break my heart and forget
    about me like it never happened.
    i want you to wonder why it's so
    hard for me to talk to you sometimes.
    i want you to wonder why even
    though i told you 'i love you' once
    sometimes i am just so mean to you.
    i want you to be there for me and
    tell me you made a huge mistake and
    love is everything and all you need
    from me.

    i want you.
    but i don't know who you are and
    i am just fighting to get out of this
    godforsaken state, out of this god
    forsaken country, out of this god
    forsaken life. i want to find someone
    who will stop me from carving
    beautiful designs into my arms and
    thighs. i want to find someone who,
    when it's over, i will cry like i've never
    cried, and i will try so so hard to get
    you back and you will realize you want
    it just as much as i do.

    i want to go home to london and i
    want to have a motto i can live by
    and i want to be admired and i want
    to have a kiss that makes me shiver
    and i want to have a touch that builds
    up my body to explosion.

    don't break me apart because i can't
    be what you want me to be but i will
    try to. or i will pretend to. or i will try
    to pretend to.

    -- mae

Wednesday, 05 November 2008

  • proposition 8 has hit my last nerve

    as soon as it seemed to me that everything was working out, and obama is elected and everything seems good even though there are the stupid personal things; i am happy right now. and then proposition 8 is passed and people's rights are taken away. i don't understand how a country so proud of its freedom and the pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness can do this to people. hello, this is not hurting you! everything is so fucking screwed up. everything is supposed to be looking up now and it's just falling to the ground. this fucking country is taking everything it's supposed to stand for and shitting all over it. no one wants to let people who are different than them have something beautiful when it doesn't even affect them. nothing is right with the world until people can be free and easy and not worry about stupid little things. i want to curl up in a ball and sit in a corner until the world, if not, the country at least, is sane.


    -- mae

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maeflouwer

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    • Name: mae
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 2/18/2008

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About Me

  • "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." thinspo: Cherise Osei

Pulse

  • Falling in love is the ultimate act of revolution, resistance to today's tedious, culturally constrictive, humanly meaningless world.